Catch Up

That was a long time ago, but it's wrong what they say about the past, I've learned, about how you can bury it. Because the past claws its way out. ~Kite Runner

It's true - you can't escape the past, especially if you don't deal with it properly the first time around. The more you try to hide something, the more likely it is to come back and bite you in the ass. Granted, it's not always easy to deal with a problem... but if you don't, how are you supposed to learn, and to grow?

I don't do a whole lot of "dealing" with my problems. I tell people that I do, but I've realized that for the most part, unless something is severely effecting the way I get through the day, I tend to just sweep it under the rug and hope it stays there. Problems only arise when someone cares enough to pick up the edge of the rug, and then they see the mess I'm hiding.... hell, they see the mess that I truly am.

I'm doing much better this year, and as far as I know it's not due to anything I've done or not done. Actually I think I was dealing with things so well because I wasn't thinking about them, which isn't healthy, but it was getting me through the day.

I should amend that. I wasn't consciously thinking about the mess that seems to be my life. But my subconscious seems to be throwing up red flags left and right lately, and with good reason...

We won't get into that though. I don't feel like explaining myself to people who just want me to stop, and so far no one has asked. Unless either of those situations change, I'm adopting the military policy of "Don't ask don't tell." Also not healthy, but for the moment it is the least stressful possibility.

"Look here she comes now

Bowed down and staring wonder

Oh how we love you

No flaws when you're pretending

But now I know
She never was and never will be

You don't know how you betrayed me

And somehow you've got everybody fooled

Without the mask

Where will you hide?

Can't find yourself

Lost in your lies

I know the truth now

I know who you are

And I don't love you anymore"