when she cries

I don't know how many people have heard the song "When She Cries" by Restless Heart, but it's really good, and theres a part of the chorus that really hits home for me more and more each time I get into one of these moods.

"She does her best to hide,
The pain that she's been through.
When she cries, at night,
And she doesn't think that I can hear her.
She tries, to hide,
All the fear she feels inside."

The fact that I have absolutely no reason to be so bummed out lately makes me even more upset. This vacation hasn't been that bad - I worked a little, and I saw my friends a lot, which was nice. And yet there's that darkness again, and it seems like nothing makes it better. And as hard as my friends try to cheer me up, they just don't seem to get it. The worst part is that I want to talk about it with someone, but I feel bad bringing it up to my friends because seriously, who wants to listen to me talk about the same thing over and over? It doesn't matter to them that I'm beginning to understand myself better, because I'm still acting in a way they see as abnormal. It doesn't matter than one of my friends does the exact same thing to me - I can't bring myself to ask for help. I'd rather suffer in silence than admit that I can't handle it a lot of the time. I can't let them see my pain, it's just not who I am. I've always had it together, or so everyone thinks. If I fall apart now, it makes me feel like more a failure. This semester is going to suck - I can predict that right now. And this upcoming Friday is one year since the death of my student... it also happens to be one of my best friends' birthdays. Good times all around... I go back to school on Monday, assuming they even let me in since there seems to be some issue with my registration/financial shit. I didn't even want to go back this semester - I wanted to take a semester off just to get my freakin act together. I can't keep relapsing. Or, if I can't stop the relapses, I have to stop TELLING people that I screwed up yet again, because then everyone gets overprotective and it fucks up their lives, which is something I like to avoid as much as possible. So where do I go from here? I really wouldn't mind a third party input... at this point I'll take anything.
On top of that, this guy who's been a good friend of my since senior year kissed me the other night when he drove me home. This is NOT a good thing, even though I'm still without a boyfriend. He has a girl friend who I thought he was pretty devoted to, and more than that, I can't really see myself with him, EVER. SO basically I'm a home wrecker who doesn't even WANT the damn guy. Great times, right? Suuure.
In addition to everything else, my best friend keeps complaining about how much her life sucks. SHE can change her situation - her boyfriend is a jackass and she knows it; apparently she's just suffering from a severe case of Stockholm Syndrome, tossed with a little learned helplessness. The guy is no good for her, but she doesn't seem to be able to see how much he's hurting her. The fact that I can't make her see that, at least not without losing her as a friend, kills me. She's the only person who has stood by me regardless, and I can't even help her as much as she has helped me. Some friend I am. I wish someone could read this and give me all the answers, but I know that'll never happen. I really miss talking to my big brother, but he's always busy, and I know what he would suggest, and I just can't do that right now. So as usual, I'm on my own.