Moving On

"I don't think you understand how strong willed you are" and "In high school you seemed so sure of yourself" are two amazing things to hear from friends, especially after a break up. And ya know, thanks in large part to this two people, and several others, I'm okay. I didn't think I would be; honestly, I had kind of pictured myself being a mess, but after a few days I was ok. Don't know if this is a good sign or not, but it's the truth. Every now and then I think about him, think about "us", but it doesn't hurt the way I thought it would, not the way it did with my last breakup. So ya-hoo for being mature about the whole thing... now I'm sick as a dog from not sleeping and stressing out so much about work and stuff. Oh well, there is a saying I happen to like, even if I don't always agree with it. "God never gives you more than you can handle". So for now I'm taking one day at a time, and for right now that seems to be working.

Rascal Flatts
"I'm Moving On"

I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself
I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
I'm movin' on
I've lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but they're always the same
They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it
They'll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong
I'm movin' on
I'm movin' on
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone
There comes a time in everyone's life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone
I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
I've loved like I should but lived like I shouldn't
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road
I'm movin' on
I'm movin' on
I'm movin' on

I guess the world doesnt stop...

So yea, its been a while, and a lot has happened. This summer was kind of rocky in terms of my relationship with my boyfriend, and then yesterday the bombshell - he broke up with me. One of those horrible things that you see coming and can't seem to find a way to stop. I don't think its actually hit me yet, but I know as soon as I see my best friend, I'm going to break down. She's the only one I feel comfortable enough with to cry in front of, and she knows it. If nothing else this is giving me a chance to listen to those sappy break up songs I usually can't stand listening to.
Hopefully this is temporary, because I truly believe he is the love of my life. If I'm wrong and it was just a case of puppy love, then I don't know what I'm going to do. Even with my heart breaking, I won't let him see me cry. I know I don't want to be one of those crazy ex-girlfriends who calls him up crying all the time begging him to come back. There's a quote that says "If you truly love something let it go, if it comes back its yours, and thats how you know" So I'll give him a while to figure shit out. If theres another girl, then I'll let him have his fun or whatever, but when it really matters he'll see that I'm still here. I always have been. We've been best friends since 6th grade, and if I lose him as a friend it will kill me; the pain of losing him as my boyfriend wouldn't even compare. I can' t imagine my life without him. I also know that I have some of the best friends in the world, and for that I am more thankful than most of them will ever know.
I just dont know. I wish my big bro was around, if nothing else than as a shoulder to cry on. But, as I keep finding out, life rarely seems to turn out the way you want it to.

"Last night I prayed the lord my soul to keep
Then I cried myself to sleep
So sure life wouldn't go on without you
But oh this sun is blinding me
As it wakes me from the dark
I guess the world didn't stop
For my broken heart" ~Reba McEntire